Fergie gives Ronaldo the hair dryer treatment at Euro'08

 Hand Dryer Sir Alex Ferguson flew out to Basel in Switzerland today in a totalrage to confront Cristiano Ronaldo on his desire to leaveManchester United and play for Real Madrid, resulting in theultimate showdown. Cristiano Ronaldo, the Portuguese winger, has hinted repeatedly hiswish to "leave that Manc s**thole and join a real mansteam!" Sir Alex Ferguson arrived in Switzerland in a volcanic rage,venting his anger at a man with no legs who was begging for moneyoutside the airport "Ge' a job ya wee s**t". He marched into the hotel where Cristiano Ronaldo was staying,carrying only a small bag, heading straight for the pool area. Sir Alex Ferguson immediately spotted Ronaldo getting out of thepool and shouted "Oi, you Portuguese winger, stop rightthere!" Onlookers reported Ronaldo looking like a littleschool boy, as he sat down on his bum and crossed his legs. Fergieapproached him, sliding his arm slowly into his small bag, Ronaldokept his eyes routed to the floor. "I've brought' a littlesomethin' for ya" said Fergie softly. Ronaldo lifted his headand widened his eyes - "Boss, you brought me thehairdryer!" Minutes later Ronaldo was flopping his head forward in joy as hefelt the smooth left hand of Fergie ruffling his hair while hisright hand manoeuvred the small hairdryer around like an artistpainting his very own Mona Lisa with the brush he made as a youngchild out of his own milk teeth. "I don't know what I was thinking boss", murmuredRonaldo, "I want to stay with Man United - the best hairstylists ever" "That's why Beckham had to go" said a close friend of SirAlex, "he shaved his head as an act of defiance - how couldAlex blow dry a bald head? He had to go! Why do you think Giggs andScholes have been there so long? A good head of hair! You see nowthat they're losing a bit on top they go to the fringes of theteam. And Japp Stam - say no more." The whole incident reminded me of my recent trip to Funchalt, thefishing village where Ronaldo was born. I bumped into a couple offishermen in a bar who told me that they used to teach Ronaldo howto deep sea dive when he was a child. When I mentioned thesituation with Real Madrid one said "Stick with Sir Fergie, hea good hair dryer, maybe when he retire he make my hair good!"They burst into laughter and ruffled their hair. But you know what,maybe if Sir Alex does get bored when he eventually retires, he cancome out to Funchalt and enjoy the kind of good times that I haveshared with these two stupid fishermen sitting on the shore talkingfish.